Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
