I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
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I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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