My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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