I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
