So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
