Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
