When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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