I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
