I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize