Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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