My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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