The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i now understand why vodka
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