i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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