I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
