While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
