If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk is not a location!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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