Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
