you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
