why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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