This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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