I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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