shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Found the puke drawer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
