Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
