You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
