Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My cat gives me a boner
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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