I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
