I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
