you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
