when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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