We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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