# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
