why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
