apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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