A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
