between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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