I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
