Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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