I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize