We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
