If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I didn't notice because vodka
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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