My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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