i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
