mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
