the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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