My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
