Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
