Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
that's an acceptable place to lick
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
