im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
