True but thats because hes a fetus.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
