Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!

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(847): View more from Illinois

stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

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(631): View more from New York

Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk

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(914): View more from New York

every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist

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(519): View more from Ontario

Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"

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