We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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