My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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