You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
