your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
