during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I did not marry a roomba.
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