i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
