I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
